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I (30F) am a white American woman. My ex-boyfriend, the father of my daughter (30M) is Chinese-American. We began dating our junior year of college, and after graduation moved in together. We eventually got serious enough to consider marriage, and I began learning Chinese as a way of connecting to his culture and family. I''m not totally fluent, but I can hold fairly complex conversations.

我是一个三十岁的美国白人女性,而我的前男友,我女孩她爹,则是一个30岁的美国华人。我们从大学三年级时开始约会,毕业后便搬到了一起住。我们的关系曾发展到了开始认真考虑结婚的地步,而我也从那时候开始学习中文,我把学习中文看成一种与他的文化和家庭相连的方式。我的中文并不是很流利,但是我能进行相当复杂的对话。


Something I was very cognizant of, once I realized that I was going to be single-parenting, was that I was going to be a white mother with a child of color, raising her with very little contact with her Chinese family. I know that many children in this scenario can struggle with cultural identity, and I wanted to do what I could to ensure that my daughter isn''t totally disconnected from her Chinese roots. I made sure to keep up my Chinese language skills, learned to cook Chinese dishes, and – when my daughter was born – made sure to take her to Chinese cultural events and things like that.

我很快意识自己将独自抚养自己的女儿,我将成为一个有色孩子的白人母亲,我将在很少接触到她的华人家族的情况下抚养她成人。我知道许多身处这种情况下的孩子都会面临一些文化身份认同危机,所以我想做一些事情以确保我的女儿并不是完全地脱离了她的中国根源。我确保自己的中文不会荒废,学会了做中国菜,而当我的女儿出生以后,我还会带她参加中国文化活动以及其他一些类似的事情。

I''ve been attempting to raise my daughter with some skill in Chinese language. I speak to her in Chinese, watch Chinese TV with her, and have recently started giving her some kiddy workbooks in Chinese language.

我试图在抚养女儿时确保她能够学到一些中文。我用中文和她对话,和她一起看中文电视节目,并且最近还开始给了她一些中文的儿童练习册。

Last time her father visited, though, he was very upset to see those workbooks in my home. He told me that Chinese culture isn''t mine to impart on my daughter, and that any form of Chinese culture I try to engage in with my daughter will be completely unauthentic. He said that, though DNA-wise my daughter is Chinese, she functionally has no real cultural connection to China, and that it''s super cringey of me to try. He told me to stop, and that it should be his decision, as it''s his culture.

然而,上次她老爹过来拜访时,看见了我家中的那些练习本,他很不高兴。他告诉我,我没有权利传授我女儿中国文化,而且还说我向女儿灌输的任何形式的中国文化都是完全不真实的。他说虽然我的女儿在基因层面是个中国人,但是她实际上与中国没有真正的文化联系,而我向她传授中国文化的行为实在是太让人尴尬了。他让我停止这么做,因为是否向女儿传授中国文化本该由他来决定,因为这是他的文化。

I told him no. I don''t think he''s really thinking about what''s best for our daughter. But I also recognize that it''s his culture, not mine, so maybe I should listen to him?

我拒绝了他的要求。我并不认为他真的在考虑什么才是对我们女儿最好的。不过我也意识到这确实是他的文化,而非我的。所以我应该听从的他的要求吗?

Idk. AITA?

我不知道了,这么做的我是否是个混蛋?